- Accountant – someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
- Ambassador : An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.
- Anonymous : The worlds most popular author.
- Antique: an item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of, and you’re buying again.
- Appendix -a portion of a book, for which nobody yet has discovered any use.
- Baby : A loud voice at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
- Baby-sitter: a teenager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teenagers.
- Bank – a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don’t need it.
- Beauty : The power with which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
- Boss: A person who comes early to see who comes late.
- Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.
- Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.
- Cheque Book: A book with unhappy ending.
- Chickens: the only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
- College: the four year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.
- Conference: the confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
- Conference: A meeting of bored people.
- Criminal: A guy no different from the rest of us except that he got caught.
- Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
- Conclusion : What you reach when you’re tired of thinking.
- Conscience: the thing which hurts when everything else feels good.
- Consciousness: the annoying time between naps.
- Creator: a comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.
- Cynic: a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
- Diet : a brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds.
- Diplomacy : The art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’… till you can find a rock.
- Diplomat: a person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward for the trip.
- Divorce: future tense of marriage.
- Divorce lawyer: a lawyer whose primary responsibility is to make sure you get half and he gets the other half.
- Doctor: a person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
- Earth: A small planet with major problems.
- Education : is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.
- Etc.: a sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
- Exam: Where foolish asks questions which wise cannot answer.
- Experience : the name men give to their mistakes.
- Father: a banker provided by the nature.
- Fiction: the story told by a completed income tax form.
- Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries
- Group discussion: a place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
- Justice : A decision in your favor.
- Keyboard: the standard way to generate computer errors.
- Kitchen: Final laboratory of women.
- Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
- Life: a sexually transmitted disease with 100 fatality rate.
- Love: Temporary insanity curable by marriage.
- Miser: a person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
- Mosquito: an insect that makes you like flies better.
- Old Age: When you wink at a girl and she says, “Anything wrong with your eyes, Uncle?”
- Optimist: 1) A person who, while falling from Eiffel tower, says in midway “see, I am not injured yet.” 2)Unborn pessimist
- Patriotism: the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons dreamed up by politicians.
- Politician: 1) salespeople who sell voter’s dreams but deliver only nightmares. 2) One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
- Politics: Business of uneducated and jobless people.
- Prices: The only thing, which violates the law of gravity.
- Psychologist: a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
- Rumor: 1) news that travels at the speed of sound. 2) sound which travels faster than light.
- School teacher: a disillusioned person who used to think he liked children.
- Secret: information you distribute to one person at a time.
- Selfish: annoying quality of someone who has what I want, but is not prepared to give it to me.
- Smile: a curve of the mouth that can set a lot of things straight.
- Swimming pool: a mob of people with water in it.
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Source: Funny Definitions at humjayega.tk
